Career change imminent and I'm stressed out

Now that it's November I am starting to feel the crunch of the looming layoff date in December. It's wild to think that in August last year I was deluding myself into thinking that I'd try to leave my job and make an attempt at going into something more aligned with my career wants or needs (more like desperation). I knew I wouldn't try hard or at all because I'm opposed to changing my rigid routine when I'm comfortable. I hate my job though because I'm tired of being on my feet 8 hours a day with a larger portion of that being just standing around rather than actual movement. Which, by the way, standing still hurts way fucking more than constant steps.

But here it's November and I'm in the same job except now I'm facing a layoff. I know the union is here to work through things with us. I've also had so many job applications filled out and I've done so many interviews in the last few weeks. I have also had union meetings every Thursday evening which means my work day feels like it's from 5a-7p with only a few hour break in there.

So while I'm stressing less over losing a job, I've been more stressed over the job changing which means my routine changes entirely. When I need to wake up and go to sleep. My commute to and fro. Beating my partner home and getting some cleaning done, but if work gets out later then the commute is worse which means he'll always be home before me.

Then there's been all of the varying ways this new job role is going to play out. I ruminate so fucking much so I've been mentally and physically exhausted. I'm just happy my cuticles haven't all been ripped to shreds and that my pink toenails still have nails on them. I'm so prone to those stims when the stress and anxiety builds.

Fuck and this week starts my usual morning coworker being done as she's now in a new dept. I'm stuck with incompetence now. I wish that were me being melodramatic but this coworker really does struggle with this job so I usually have to do triple my multitasking so I can assist her while doing my tasks too. Fuck this. Get me the fuck out.